My last wedding in June was horrible and before the wedding took place I offered them, that they get their money back or another team member will be at their wedding, as one thing was for sure: we weren’t compatible.
But as I am the owner of Ma Chérie Weddings Ibiza, it had to be. Thanks god, as no respect from their side and I knew it that in the end we would be responsible for things we haven’t been involved…But this was one of the couples it was more important to demand instead of taking advise from us as wedding planners. When I left the party after all was finished from our side and they finally payed us, as they have been the only couple in my career they didn´t agree onto our payment policy. I was desperate going home and nearly crying out of frustration, I was so exhausted when I was driving home. Disappointed. I decided all the weddings during the upcoming month will be organized by one of my team members, as they are motivated, passionated…I needed a break as I was just empty.
So the next weeks felt easier, but I could feel, that my breathing was bad, even became worse. I thought in may I only have to go through june and all will be fine after. I am not sure but it was end of may when my pilates teacher told me I am having issues inside and don’t speak about them with the persons belonging too and she was hunting me through my garden to run, to get the shit out. I was running, but nearly collapsing after 2 rounds. She said I breathe wrong and we did this a second time, but then she stopped me and we started to meditate to calm me down. Of course I had a lot of things inside I was carrying with me, I discussed issues with my partner and after I didn’t saw them that difficult anymore and went on. I always thought I can not breath because I was running through life since years, and I never stopped, nore in my pregnancy and when my son was born I started a new business. I will never forget that he was in my arm, lying on my belly and my notebook on my knees trying to make some notes with the mobil in the other hand.
How stupid could I am?

Unbelievable and these are the moments in life I regret as I am not a patience person and even was it less in winter 2014/15! What an unresponsible mum I have been. Not only mum, what I missed as a woman, because I was not being just a mum. Since he was born or might be even before when he was in my belly growing I was “nervous”…I was feeling an inner unrest. Hectic. No long deep breathes, short and shallow breathing. In June 2017 I woke up in the nights and had the feeling I can not breathe anymore, I had to sit up, I took a while till it was getting better, sometimes not. I had the feeling no fresh air enters so I tried to get more air through my mouth, deep…but it stopped in my breast and I was afraid I will choke…but next morning life went on. No break. During the day I always felt stressed, running from one point to the other, always in a rush. I was incredibly tired, unconcetrated…I could not go upstairs without making a quick break and try to breathe. All was heavy for me, bringing my son to bed cost me a lot of energy, to carry him – impossibly…One day we visited my friend and her son for a playdate, the bags were to heavy.

I had my first appointment with a general doctor in july after my husband was insisting.