What the …. I am doing here?

unbelivable…sitting here and waiting for my 4th operation, already but still 3 after this one to go through…so it turns our really well when I consider that after three interventions I am feeling that better – on the other hand side, I am freaking out, just thinking about what will be if not…of course I can deal with the circumstance, but is this how I pictured my life before? could happen…Having a strange allergy now on my hands, might be nothing to do with the medicine I am taking, as it seems familiar to me, I think I had them twice already, but not that strong and lasting…Sun is shining, my friend Esther is coming later to visit me, I went for a meditation stretching in the park this morning after a short sleep this night and another one the night before with nightmares…If there is somebody, either god or the universe or whom ever who is taking care about us, I pray that he or she will let me survive in a happy way! Of course I would love to deal now and tell what all I am doing, if operation goes well…I know now 100% that my illness turned out because of my high psychical stress lever and under the pressure I am being / was during the last 10-20 years…always wanted to be successful, damn, I was and still I am!  But is it worth if this is the outcome?

 

every single day time runs to fast for everybody…

Sometimes you barely notice you’re living with chronic stress because you’ve learned to adapt to it. Feeling tired, distracted, irritated, and plagued by a nagging sense that time is running out starts to feel normal. You shrug off the way life keeps speeding up and accept that work pressures are necessary to get ahead in your career. Yet living in a state of overdrive is anything but normal, and it actually causes more harm than you may realize.

As for me living with this illness it can be a killer. I always have to remind myself: stay calm, be patient, go slowly, don´t rush or even run, take enough time to come from one point to the other…slow down! But often there are situations in everybody´s lifes as well in mine, which you can´t control or plan – it is just the worker who comes a little bit to late and then you will leave the house to pick up your son from kindergarten and then you notice that in front of your parking place a neighbours car parks so you can not leave.How many minutes I have to plan more into my life to not get stressed? I mean you all know this feeling and it stress you and me. For you it is might be a way into a problem or you just be stressed all your life but for me it is so dangerous as I am not allowed to come under 90…