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I know it is very hard finding the time and doing the things that I know would help me stay more calm and constructive. I am not lazy, but so many things to do so iI am feeling even more stressed or overwhelmed. My biggest enemy is POWERLESSNESS with this comes Disappointment and from time to time Anger with leads into Fear. But I can´t make Powerlessness go away. It is a vulnerability i need to learn. As during hospital I felt in safe hands even my situation was not very good…But in this case I worry that I won’t be able to handle the situation. For sure I can´t change but I will be able to handle it. Same with my Disappointment about the things happening during current situation coming with Covid – I can´t make it to go away. Home schooling, political decisions…not allowed to go for a ride on a bike or to the beach where usually nobody is around this time of the year!
I need to feel the big emotions of fear and anger , to accept them and let them leave with positive vibes cause if not I end up fending them off with defenses, my stress and overwhelm just increase and I start yelling at my son and start stress-eating.

Of course, when I am less patient with my son, he acts out more which increases my stress levels. But in fact I only want keeping my family healthy and my son feeling safe. I know I create the mood in our home…so it depends on me and I have to learn to manage my uncomfortable emotions. Let me start today!
I have to take care of myself to have more internal resources. What do I need? I have to remind myself every morning when I wake up: I can handle whatever happens, another beautiful day is upfront! I have to stay centered.
The moment I feel an uncomfortable emotion, I have to step back, take some deep breaths…let me feel what I am feeling…dive into it and let it go away…my brain managed it! My emotional backpack with the “sad” emotions is emptying and won’t get triggered me so easily and I am more resilient. And one very important thing before I go to bed: stop reading this every day every hour changing news for COVID, vacuna, no, yes, opening borders, flights, school….arrrgghhh – because for sure, this I can´t change, but without I am significantly happier and calmer and can be a more confident and parent, my son will feel safer and act more cooperative.

I am not powerfullness – I can make a happy home and this during quarantine!