A new chapter in my life began a few weeks ago at the beginning of summer. I decided to take a “break” and enjoy the school vacation the most. I noticed something changed in my innerself…I’ve finally “arrived”. But that means facing reality and simply being myself, not the person I was, but the woman I am. The summer of my life is coming to an end—I’m excited for what’s to come!
I am not a decision maker, I am afraid taking a decision, because of not knowing if it is the right one and I could have missed the opportunity of the “wrong” one. In my innerst I know always making plans doesn’t work anymore in the world we are living in, but it gives me a bit of peace cause I know what’s happening. So I keep the control, and also don’t get overwhelmed because to many events in a row. But at the same time this can mean I miss one cause already booked or had one before. Crazy…might be better to go with the flow and just take it day by day, moment by moment? OK – I am gonna try this now with own free time, but what will happen with our family time? How you deal with it, if you have a child “demanding” the free time we have? Dividing into the sport activities, hobbies, school, studies, his friendships and ours? Right now I have to laugh about cause it is impossible and we will never ever please all of our desires our the people around us. Or might be I am wrong? What most matters for me is my family I always say, but might be it is me…and once I am in balance all will run smoothly? I am questioning myself every single day if I am doing right and often I came to the conclusion: NO – cause I was trying to please or be as I should be. Said this made me clear up my calendar this morning. I won’t have any more appointments because I think I should do and I have to speak out loud what I want…but to do this I have to know, what I don’t want and not what I think I should!
It will face me some not pleasant meetings and might be afterwards people will judge me or telling me I wasn’t honest – I was in the very moment…but the truth is that often I want all because I get excited but then when I return into my “home”, my inner reality I know what I want. So all will turn out well when I listen first to my inner voice before get carried away from an outside one.