So every day is a new change as long as I am completely present, I am more peaceful.
Again breakfast, tidying up, washing the cloth, cleaning the floor, doing all these homework…and after nearly 9 weeks it isn’t fullfiling anymore for me as well I know I loose a lot of money this year, which means no holiday this winter, my girls in the office will have a tough tight year, too, and I would love to focus on new income and not only playing “mum/housewife/cleaning lady/nanny”… It is even more household during pandemic lockdown and on top more power struggles. I have “easy” days where I dive deeper and be fully present and all sounds like joy! And I have the other days…struggling with what to do and then it feels tedious to meet my sons needs. If I am thinking about everything I need to get done, worrying about whether my child is turning out okay, or cataloging our own failings, then the care-taking tasks of parenting make me feel “heavy”. BUT I am not 100% with him, when I am with him, I is demanding for more. And this makes me upset, because I “think” I am with him, so don’t complain! The creative possibilities are endless. It’s our resistance that’s the burden, not our kids.
Today I tried an experiment. Turning off my cell phone when I am in the “Playzone” with my child. Instead of just moving my child through my schedule, we enjoyed ourself and connected physically. Can´t believe we had a family bath, first one in 5,5 years! He loved it and as he is able to express himself he told us and it was so fullfilling. I loved snuggling with him, smelling his skin…He sink into us, into the moment but also in the same time questions about Corona came out. He felt secured, so he could asked what happens!
My next “targets” are viewing a sunset with him, either from the terrace or the beach with a little picknick as this is one of his dreams. He seeks our love, he is a miracle and fill us with love!
Of course it is not always the time to do it as we have an agenda, full of things today, just tyding up cost a lot of time. But my presence for him is like a plant gets water and sun.
Important for me is to remember that once my child’s cup is filled, he’ll be less needy and more cooperative.