Might be it is all about it…
I have good days and not so good ones but as I am a planner sometimes it doesn´t match together!
I live in Ibiza – yes, wonderful place, but no clue about a rare illness means, no support! No breathing classes supported by my health insurance, no fitness class to get back on track meaning, how to exercise without exaggerate? Because after I feel tired for 2 days minimum if I don´t accept the level. My chest feels blocked, like a heavy brick was falling onto it. I always wished I had a break in my life – kind of sabatical and now actually I have it and don´t know what to do. I always was dreaming of having lunches with my female friends every day, doing sports, yoga, mediation…but now it feels empty, as I can´t accept I don´t earn money, I feel useless, but right now when I am writing this “SABATICAL” it becomes another meaning! It is allowed doing “nothing”, as this is the definition of it: 1. Jewish day of rest and public holiday, the seventh day of the week (Saturday) 2. a period of paid leave granted to a university teacher or other worker for study or travel, traditionally one year for every seven years worked.
As now “everybody” can do it, why not me? Travelling can mean inside me, on Ibiza…Every 7 years I heard once the body and the mind changing…Why I try to resist? Why I don´t give up – in a positive meaning – and accept it? It is my “ME” time. I always was hoping, praying, asking for and now I feel guilty? Bullshit, I earned a lot the last years, I gave a lot of input the last years, I tried my best for all and always was hoping to do it to myself and were struggeling, I was not 100% perfect and successful, as always there was this little percentage in my mind, I wanna have some freedom. NOW I have it and now it is the time to live it. BREATH – every moment be in the now, as it is just beautiful! And even if I am writing every day, it is what I need. I have to accept myself, my life, my inner wishes, my illness and I have to give it space in a positive way. Let it be part of me and not only taking the pills every 8hours like it is nothing. Be aware of my little helpers, be grateful, having them. Be lucky, to have an oxygen machine at home to do sports, being outside onto my covered terrace and be able to step onto the cross trainer. Come on Darling, wake up! It is the best time in your life, 42 old, surrounded by a loving family and especially an amazing husband and son!
Sabatical – on the one handside it sounds “dark” – let´s say mystique to me and might be it is, because it is a journey into the unknown.
Aceptance
